Update..

I haven’t shared anything in a couple months. Life has been racing by with no slow motion. The struggles of my relationship. Holding back on a few things. Got a lot of things going and in place. Kids are still running on the ceilings. Then I noticed how unhappy I was most of the time. I wasn’t myself. I was missing something. But I didn’t know what it was. Until recently I found it. I was missing God. I’ve been trying to get my fiancé to go up that path with me. Something for us to do together as a couple as far as reading the Bible and having our devotions and our weekly talks about what we did through the week and how we can help each other grow. But getting him onboard is a struggle. So I gave up on it. He’ll catch up when he’s ready. I had been making plans to buy a bible for myself so I can start this journey in my life. But I kept getting little weird gut feelings to hold off. I had something tell me I had a blessing coming. When I got home yesterday I had a package at my door. And I had to think back and remember if I had ordered anything. The package had my name on it so I had to think Hard. I hadn’t ordered anything and my fiancé didn’t order anything so what could have been in this package? I was curious like anyone else would have been. So, I opened it. And there laid the same exact bible I had planned to buy online in this Amazon box. I sat the box in front of me with the Bible still in it looking down at it wondering who did this. Is is it fate? So I call my MIL and she hadn’t ordered me anything but she said who ever did it must have faith in me and cares about me enough to buy me a new bible. Then I later found out it was my BIL and SIL who Bought this bible for me. And I didn’t expect it from them honestly. They are deep and true believers of God. And since I have been with their brother they haven’t supported our relationship because we live together and we’re not yet married. So they’ve been distant. Not coming to the family gatherings or birthday parties. So it’s kind of made me feel bad about myself. And I talked to my BIL a few nights back about how I wanted God in my life and I was ready for change. And as a gift for change he and his wife bought me a bible. I am blessed to have this family. And now I feel I have a bigger support system and more people guiding me in this journey.

I let it get the best of me…..

I let it get the best of me… What is it you ask? DEPRESSION. there are days when i wake up dreading to let my feet touch the floor. There is so much I want to do, and in my mind I’m doing it but i’m not dong it physically. i let the dishes pile up, and the laundry will pile up. Depression isn’t just laying on the couch eating ice cream watching a Lifetime movie. Depression hits people differently. I can look at a drink i’m drinking and just cry, I dwell on things I have no control of. I lack motivation. Depression is the devil trying to do his nasty work on you. That’s why when i’m depressed i like to be alone. i feel like that’s how i handle it best. If i’m alone I have that time with God to recoup. I have that privacy to talk to him. I have that moment to pray and open up to him about my troubles. No man on earth can help you with your depression. its something you have to work on with God and yourself. in today’s world people “need” medication for depression. And in my eyes its just a way to brainwash you from the real problem. Whatever it is making you depressed change it. if your a stay at home mom/wife and you never get out of the house to do anything, my advise to you is rearrange the house. Buy new curtains for the living room. Buy new towels for the bathroom and repaint it. Buy a new bed spread and change your bedroom around. if your a working mom/wife rearrange your work area. dye your hair. paint your nails a new color instead of the normal color you always use. I’ve tried to find ways to cope with my depression. Yesterday was really bad for me. i felt so behind on my house duties i was folding clothes and i started to tear up. I felt overwhelmed. my fiance seen i felt bothered and he held me. He felt uneasy with how i was feeling because he was clueless as to why i was crying. he asked, “What’s wrong?” i told him i didn’t know what was wrong. Which I really didn’t know at the time. I was just as clueless as he was to the situation. a few hours later we get some of the kids together and go to Walmart and it finally hits me. I know whats been on my mind. its what i stated in my last post about the car information and the school clothes. Well he assured me i had nothing to worry about. Today i woke up with a new mind. I woke up with orange hair because i’m in the process of coloring it. I figured it would help me with the funk I was in. i changed the sheets on the bed this morning maybe thinking it would help with the funk also. Like i said i woke up in a good mood but I still let it get the best of me. Depression is different for everyone. but i feel like us moms try to tough it out because we feel like nothing can be done about it. NOT TRUE! speak out. call someone and just talk. even if its your child. Ask them random questions about their self and see how much they know. Or see what they want to know. text your spouse and open up and tell them whats really on your mind. most likely they’ll stop what their doing for a few minutes to help you. I’ve had to learn that the hard way. i’m still struggling with the whole communication part. there are times when i open up to my spouse and i just feel hes coming at me a little aggressive. which i know hes not, I just feel like he is because my heart already feels like the size of a sweet pea. I’m already tenderhearted on top of how I’m feeling. i just let it get the best of me. when i know something is supposed to go a certain way and its not I get upset and i let it get the best of me. But don’t let it get the best of you. Sometimes you just have to take things with a grain of salt. Dont let it get the best of you. I will continue to work on my depression and try not to let things get the best of me. I refuse to let the devil get the best of me!

is it just me or?

Is it just me or do other moms have a forgetful mind? I can be the most forgetful person. Not like leave me child in a car forgetful, but leave a load of clothes in the washing machine for 2 days and rewash them cause they smell weird. Or forget to start the dishwasher for last nights dinner. is it just me or do some moms just want to hide in the bathroom with a good cold drink and be selfish for 5 minutes? But you cant because you have a toddle knocking on the door “mommy I have to pee!” today was one of my days. i woke up in a great mood i was ready to clean the house and then i thought of buying school clothes for 3 of my kids and getting my car information transferred to this state since we just moved here. I feel like it crept up on me and before i was in this relationship i’m in now i was so used to doing everything on my own i was so independent and now i have my fiance paying for everything. A big part of me doesn’t like it but if i’m going to be a stay at home mom/wife then i have to get used to a man supporting me and my kids. is it just me or are other women like that? You’ve been independent for so long and then out of nowhere you have someone there to financially support you and your kids…. Its still hard for me at times. I see something i want or see something I want to get my kids and remember “oh I don’t have this” or “I don’t have that” or i’m asking my fiance what our money looks like this week. Even though he gives me the okay to do it I still feel bad for doing it. I HATE spending his money. Maybe its an insecurity i have from past relationships. I know I shouldn’t let that effect my current relationship. is it just me or am i overthinking? Is it just me or am I overreacting? this is another place i’m forgetful and i’m trying to adjust to a new life still. all in all i forget a lot of things. weather its part of my relationship not just with my fiance but with God also. i forget to pray on a daily or read his word, and i’m also forgetful when it comes to being a mom. ill sit down and forget who asked me for juice 5 minutes ago. is it just me or are other women just like me?

Reality of my relationship

All to often I hear girls talking about how much they can’t wait to “live with the love of their life, come home to them with a smile, a hug and a kiss, cook dinner together, dance around the house in their underwear and cuddle up next to them and fall asleep.”

Here’s where reality checks in –

My fiance is a hard working man, who gets up at 5:30 every evening when I wake him up 4-5 times. inside of a building with no a.c. or moving air, or some nights he works outside in the rain. When he comes home sometimes he will eat breakfast and sit with me and the kids for a few minutes. after that he has just enough energy to take a shower, find a soft place to sleep and falls asleep before his head hits the pillow. Clothes wherever they dropped, shower filthy from his body, because of the chemicals he works with. and it’s completely quiet and dark in the house. When he does finally wakeup (if he does) he has no energy, there’s no dancing around, or cooking together. Some days Im lucky and he has enough energy to go to the grocery store with me and come home and go right back to sleep. Other days when he is awake he’s a zombie and we are probably gonna bicker and argue about something small, he’s not paying enough attention to me, or he can’t stay awake to watch a movie with me, or he just doesn’t talk hardly at all and I think he hates me. He hasn’t got home yet when I wake up, most mornings. there’s no cooking breakfast together, Were on completely different schedules. Dinner is every night and half the time he doesn’t even eat with me. I make his dinner in a Tupperware container so he can take it to work due to being on completely different schedules. “Dancing around the house in our underwear” doesn’t exist. I do lots of things on my own during the week, some times my fun for the week is sitting next to him or behind him watching him play his game. Some times I feel like I follow him around like a toddler and pick up after him. And we don’t even have kids to add to all of this like some women do. Except the 7 we have already but none together.

Living with someone is NOT all kisses, and rainbows. Living with someone will make you view them completely different, some days I want to strangle him and he feels the same way, you learn so many things about yourself and your other half. You didn’t even know that you could get mad at some of the things you will get mad at. You will get so annoyed at the other person you don’t want them to look at you much less kiss or hug you. But when you are with the person God has made for you, you stick it out through all this. You understand that your hardworking man is doing his job that no one wants to do so that he can provide the best life for us that he possibly can. There are a million other couples like us, even ones that have it way worse. Yes being in love and getting to live with your other half and doing life together is awesome, and i would NOT trade him or my relationship for anything, and wouldn’t ever leave his side and he will never leave mine. I love this every day life I live with him and would not change a thing about it.

But it also comes with struggles and obstacles that will challenge you and push you to places you never wanted to go and make you a person, if only for a few seconds, that you never thought you would be. People idolize young love and relationships, and don’t realize all the real life stuff that happens behind that perfect Facebook post or picture on Pinterest they found.

So before you get all excited and think it’s just gonna be the best thing to ever happen to you, also prepare yourself for the reality of things. Because this is what things really look like.

Mom life. 1.0

Okay so I’m not the best mom. But I’m also not the worst mom. I became a mom of 4 to a mom of 7 overnight. It’s not like I had 9 months to prepare for each child. I get overwhelmed A LOT. Yes I have help. And I’m blessed to have the help that I do. I don’t so much get breaks. I have what I call “breathers”. And my breathers consist of me having a shower after the kids go to bed or walking out the the chicken house and getting the eggs. I can be in the kitchen over a hot stove cooking dinner make everyone their plates ask if everyone is okay and as I sit down to cook off… “MOMMY!” Someone needs juice or milk. Sometimes my patience are thin. Sometimes my patience are on overflow. Some mornings I wake up motivated and energized ready to go and start my day! And some mornings I stay in sweats and just go with the flow. Having 7 kids I’m trying my hardest to get a schedule going with everyone and get organized. I want to be the organized mom. I want to have my charts with everything marked down on it and my calendars. I want to make the perfect dinners every night for my family. Sometimes I sit and look at all my kids and wonder what they see when they look at me.. am I doing a bad job? What could I do better? What am I missing? Being a stay at home mom is a job in itself. Everyone has their own opinions about that topic. But no one knows what it’s like until they’ve lived it. I love being a mom don’t get me wrong. But I seriously feel like there’s a lot I could do different.

Pilot

Is there a proper way to start a story? Well I’m Brittany. Brii for short. I’m a 26 year old mum from North Carolina. I have 4 wonderful children. 1 boy and 3 girls. I’ve been wanting to start a blog or something along that line to share my daily life achievements and struggles. To share to other women that we all struggle. Not everyone is perfect. To share that we’re not perfect moms nor are we the perfect wife. I’m sure most women that read my post will get a feel of what I’m saying. I’ll try my best to keep these short but detailed. As moms we all know we don’t have a lot of time to do anything and when we do have time for something is either to shower or a nice nap.